Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize