He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
