Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Sorry about my life...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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