Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
