I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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