Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
