My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
