Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
