My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
