Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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