I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
