...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
