when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
This toilet bowl is my home.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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