this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Randomize
