My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
