sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
