If i come over, it means nothing
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
