i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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