Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
