I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
