No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Is that strawberry winking at me??
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
