Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
