We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize