Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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