FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
