WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
