Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
