Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Sorry about my life...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
