my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
