I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Shame - the story of my life.
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