We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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