Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
