Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
