U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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