she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
