I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
