Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
