if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Randomize
