Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize