just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
