that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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