i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
