dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
