i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
My vagina just clenched in fear
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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