So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
our cab driver is having phone sex.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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