If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
