Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
