woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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