Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
