How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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