Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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