You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
