i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
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