Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize