What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
