there's paper in my vomit.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
