he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
