community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
