I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
