the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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