tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
