Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
