well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
