Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
MIDGETS
????
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
