wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
