They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
