You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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