mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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