I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
