A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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