i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
