dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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