I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
nutella sex= disaster
This house was built for laser tag.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
